So today I decided that I need to go back to the basics of life, and not worry so much about things that I don't need to worry about. I am going to start focusing on getting back to the basics, and start from scratch. I need to learn to control my mind better. I get very excited easily and I need to try and teach myself to focus better so I can think more clearly. So I decided that for the next 24 hours, I am not going to worry about anything astrally or spirtually speaking, and just focus on my personal life and focus on things that are important to me. I guess its more of a spiritual fasting, if you want to think about it in that nature. Anyhow, I guess that's all I have to say for now.
Bless your heart and your soul!
~Brenda
8:35 PM
7:28 AM
So yesterday I was feeling in the funk zone and rather depressed. I feel much better today... How ever there was someone here astrally speaking.. I don't know whom this person was or where they came from.. but this person helped me out a great deal. It was as though it was my guardian angel watching over me and helped pull me out of a serious depression like state that I was in. I really appreciate it very much. This person taught me a nice trick to help me focus my mind more, because I have ADHD and ADD and it makes it nearly impossible to focus when I try to mediate. But the trick seems to work most of the time. Basically when I feel as though my thoughts are getting too jumbled up for me to understand the difference between my thoughts, and residual thoughts from the past, I just close my eyes.. take a long deep breath.. then tell myself the following phrase... When I count to ten, my mind will be clear. My soul will be connected to my body and I will conquer this. When I am done counting, I will have control of my mind again. ... Then after I count to ten, my mind is suddenly clear and I can think clearly! I was so surprised when he (the person I was in reference to is a male) taught me this trick. I want to say it was Arch Angel Michael.. but I am not sure whom it was... but they are still with me and it makes me happy because I don't feel so alone. :) Every time I start to panic he talks me through and tells me to focus on his voice, and it helps me not get into a panic attack or fall back into depression. So thank you! Thank you to whom ever you are, because I am sure you are looking over my shoulder and reading this as I type it! <3
Bless your heart, and your soul!
~Brenda
9:32 PM
Boy, let me tell you... Without my husband here, by my side... my nights have become more and more lonely by the day... sometimes I feel as though I will go insane without him here.. but I know he will return very soon! I miss him dearly and cannot wait to see him again! It's soo exciting just to think about it! I do love him very much and I can tell he loves me too! <3 Hes so good to me! He's the best man I have ever been with, and I thank God every day for bringing him to me!
With that said...
Yesterday I think I successfully meditated a more proper way than my first attempt... and I seen the most strangest vision. It was of these arms that were blue in color, and had a light coverage of fur on them. The hands of the arms were reaching over me as if keeping me from seeing something... I am not sure what that message was about though... it was interesting. I asked Gabriel if he heard of anything like that, and he said it sounded nothing that he knew about. So yeah...
This past day I have been suffering from anxiety and depression very much so, and have needed love very much so as well. It's hard living on your own sometimes.. But I don't regret it. And I won't be alone for too much longer and I know when my husband comes back that everything will be right in my world.
As soon as my funding is available, I plan to set up an alter to thank the angels and invite them in my home. I think it would be good to surround myself with angelic like things and to share my love for angels. Infact I feel very inspired to draw, and get back into music again. Just yesterday, I wrote to the director of the Carrollton Sympathy Orchestra to find out what all I would need to do in order to join them. I miss being in my school's orchestra and I think this has been the reason behind part of my depression. I regret leaving music behind me, and I should of pursued it. But eventually I will have it back in my life and I will be happy again. Maybe after I graduate from the online university I am attending right now, I will go back to school for music, if anything just to surround myself in music again. I really really miss it and hope that I can get into the orchestra again. So my fellow readers, please pray for me that I get in. It is something that I desperately need in my life, to make it balanced again. For now I have been working on learning new songs for the piano, though I am not very good. Maybe after my husband gets a teacher's job, I can see about getting lessons later on.
Bless your heart, and bless your soul!
~Brenda
4:20 PM
So now my life has been a little upside down lately because my Aunt and cousin came down from out of state to visit me and my family; which was kind of weird. But I knew they were comming. Though that isn't the reason my life was turned upside down however. It is because I met a friend of hers that kind of freaked me out a little bit. He seemed to know a lot about one of my past lives that has had a lot of missing blanks and I've been writing as much as I can remember about it, so I don't loose any information. How ever I don't know how the life ends or what happened after the next scene and I kind of hope that he can help me fill in the missing information just to ease my mind about what happened.... but at the same time I am a little afraid to know what happened next because it was a very frightening time... I'll explain later on exactly what I am in reference to, but it isn't safe to talk about it on here anyhow... I hope that I can get in touch with Miss Helen soon because I wish to talk to her about that past life in general.. I feel very confused and I am not sure what to do about it. So.. yeah.. I think I'm gonna get off here for now cause in a little while I need to shampoo my carpets.
Bless your hearts, and your souls!
~Brenda
8:11 PM
Oh! I almost forgot to add! Last week I only worked 1 day and I was worried it was going to be the same for this week too! But I am glad because now I am working every day this weekend, which will help me out ALOT. I hope that my job will have more days for me next week. I told them that I absolutely MUST have 5 days next week to be able to pay rent.
Please pray I get those days I need!
Bless your heart and your soul!
~Brenda
7:55 PM
So yesterday my new friend had to go to Atlanta for a DR appointment and her daughters (for what ever reasons) wanted to hang out with me while she was gone. So I said yea they can hang out with me, even though I have no clue what is so interesting about me. I am the most boring person I know. There is aboslutely nothing interesting about me. LOL We had fruit and sandwhiches for lunch/dinner and watched tv the whole day. Needless to say it was interesting to have 2 kids here, and kinda made me a bit happy, and what it felt like to have children in my home. Its a good feeling, and eventually I know I'll have my own children.
So far other than that, not much has happened. How ever a lot of people have suddenly backed out of going to my belated wedding shower party that I am having. I figure there's a reason for them to do that, so what ever happens tomorrow, will happen and there isn't much I can do about it... I am starting to feel like I have a lot of fair-weather-friends though... But I am trying to break free of them and make new friends that actually care enough to call me more than once a month, or once every 7 months.
On another note... Even though I am the only person here, aside from my 3 kitties, I feel as though there is a presence in the hallway on the right side of me.... I am too afraid to look...
Bless your hearts and your soul!
~Brenda
7:46 AM
Good morning everybody! It is 10:46 and I've been up since 8am. So far nothing out of the ordinary happened, except last night my two kittens, Merlin and Penelope decided to sleep in the guest room instead of in my bed like they normally do.
Last night I had a repeating dream, about giving birth to children. Normally in my dream I give birth to twins. But this time my dream was different. The babies came out as quadruplets and one of the quadruplets was black! (I'm white) And later on in the dream, it changes scenes and I am living in this really beautiful hotel that I've had dreams about before. But in my dream I had never been there. Anyhow, I was at the pool thats by the hotel, and this family is there playing with this volley ball and I hit it really hard to them, and it goes across the pool and into the lawn on the other side of the fence (picture your typical pool scene at most hotels) and I got out of the pool and I got the ball but then I found 4 kittens. 3 of them were grey and one was black.. and right about then, I woke up.
But yeah, so far nothing out of the ordinary has happened, so we will see if cutting the cords to my past lives have worked.
9:05 PM
Theres just something I've gotta get out of my mind before I go to bed. I always find that writing about stuff that is weighing heavily helps me ease my mind so I can sleep better. Anyhow, I was watching the videos for "helenhealer" on youtube, and I just feel such a strong connection to alot of her teachings. Most other teachers I have had in the past, I wasn't really able to grasp the lessons that they taught me, though I am greatful because I learned alot from them. How ever it is better if you have a teacher or someone you feel like you have a connection to, that you can learn more from and gain a better experience. Do you know what I mean? (Though I am writing a blog, I half expect to hear a reply, and then again I am glad I don't answer myself! Though if I did, I wonder what I would say? lol) Anyhow, as I was watching her video on How to Send a Mental Message to someone, and she was pulling her hands apart after making her energy ball, in my perspective of energy (I have a very vivid imagination, and I see things a lot different than normal people) I saw really beautiful translucent ribbons of silver and sparkles pour into her hands and wrap around her hands, and then spread all around her and it made her look angelic like. It was so pretty. I can definitely tell she has spirits all around her. :) But the image in my mind was so vivid it was like it was real. To me it is real though, even if the other users cant see what I seen tonight :) Needless to say, I think helenhealer is an angel in disguise :) She just don't know it yet. :)
Bless your hearts, and your souls!
~Brenda
8:54 PM
Before I head to bed, I wanted to make sure you knew exactly my words when I requested my past lives to be cut from my life. I asked Archangel Michael to please cut all strings or chords that were tied to my past lives that were preventing me from having a successfull career and a happy family, and to cut all chords to past lives that were preventing me from moving forward with my future. Not only with my current future but with the future with my husband and with my family. I want my family to be able to move forward in life and be happy and I want me and my husband to live a wonderful life together and live well off and not have financial burdens in the future. And I demanded that it get cut now, right away and I really meant it too... So.. We will see how tomorrow goes, if it's different than any other day or what. I also asked him to show me a sign if he heard my request, regardless of what the sign was, I wanted to be shown a sign that he heard me. So we'll see!
Bless your heart, and bless your souls!
~Brenda
8:25 PM
So today I was watching a video on youtube about past live contracts and alot of what "helenhealer" said is making sense to me. So what I am deciding to do is I am going to give her past lives video a try and see how it affects my current life. Because quite frankly I am fed up with being tied to my past and I want to move on for a better future! I deserve the best future in this life and I want to correct what ever my past lives may have done to lead up to my rather shitty present life. And if you're curious as far as what the video is about, you can go to the website below to watch it..... -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yb1tdfIb75U&feature=related
I am going to start recording events that happen after this in my blog to show you if this does or doesn't work. :)
Bless your hearts and souls!
~Brenda
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